Judgment Day

As I’ve gotten older I realized I don’t want to “fit in”.  I am who I am and you either like me or you don’t.  I’m a good person, I try to help and be good to others.  Do I always succeed? No.  Do I always do the right thing? No.  But do I try? Yes.  Don’t get me wrong I like people and I want them to like me but I’m not 16 anymore.  I’m not going to change and be someone I’m not just so I can have you as a friend.  If my life were to end right now what could you say about me?  Well, the most important thing you could say is “She was a good wife, mother and friend”.  And if that was all you could say about me, it would be okay.

 

I have very strong opinions and I’m not afraid to tell you, if you ask.  But I don’t shove my opinions down your throat and I don’t insult your beliefs.  I feel everyone is entitled to their beliefs without fear of judgment.  I do not choose my friends based on their color, religion, ethnicity, sex, choice of partner, amount of income or any other prejudice – I choose them based on whether or not they are a good person and hold certain values. 

 

Certainly there are people I don’t like but instead of being friends with them and talking behind their backs, I just won’t be their friend.  Life is too short (and sometimes too hard) to surround yourself with negative people.   I want to surround myself with people I can trust and count on when I need them.  I have very few “best” friends, in fact I have 3 of them.  I know if I needed anything I could call any one of the three and they would be there for me.  If any one of them needed me I to would do whatever I could to help.  I have a lot of friends and acquaintances, they are all very important to me too.  I value all of my friends, besides my family they are what make life interesting and worth living.

 

I guess what I’m trying to say is, choose your friends wisely.  I would rather have a few well chosen friends than be that person who has 1000 Facebook friends.  Really, I don’t know that many people!   And if you are going to be a friend to someone, leave your judgments at the door.  Be a good friend.  Enjoy all that being a friend and having a friend can be.  Be nice to people and the people who aren’t nice?  Well, give them a wide berth…

Dog days....

I can't believe how long it's been since I have stopped to write.  There always seems to be something else left to do around here, right now it's 10:30 p.m. and I still need to fold clothes and finish the dinner dishes.  So much has happened since my last post; Thanksgiving, Christmas, the New Year, Louisa's 7th birthday and we got a dog.  Yep, we got a dog.  This may not sound like such a huge thing to some people but to me it's more than huge.  I had a cat for a few years when I was young and a rabbit when I was 20 something; but other than that, no pets.  I'm allergic to everything, my husband jokes I'm allergic to water - which isn't so far from the truth.  The funniest thing I was allergic to was our first Christmas tree.  I had never had a real tree before so when Matt and I got married he wanted me to have one.  He drug home this huge 12' tree and proceeded to hack off a foot of it so we could squeeze it into the house (think Clark Griswold).  Every day at work I was fine but every night when I would come home I couldn't breath and my eyes would water.  Finally one of my cousins told me it was the mold in the tree I was reacting to, it never dawned on me it was the tree. 

Anyway, when we were at my sister's house for Thanksgiving Marty was having so much fun with her dog he didn't even want to come in to eat.  Matt and I were watching him and he said we needed to get a dog.  Um, hello? Allergic!  I told him there was no way we could get a dog, end of story.  After Christmas he went to see one of his customers who happened to be a Vet. He asked the doctors if there were any dogs we could possibly get, well long story short....  he won me over.  It wasn't easy, I thought (and thought and thought and worried and worried and wondered) for about a month before I finally gave in.  I did a lot of research and talked to tons of people and then finally found our little puppy.  I have never been an animal person.  Not because I don't like them but because it's always been so uncomfortable to be around animals, I won't even touch them at a petting zoo!  The last time I touched an animal had to be 20 years ago, it just wasn't worth my eyes swelling shut and not being able to breath. 

We decided on a Bichon and boy did we get lucky.  We got Scout about a month ago and he is the best dog.  I am so in love with this little puppy, it's almost sickening!  He has been such a great addition to our family.  It's one of those "I didn't know because I didn't know" kinda things.  And I'm happy to say my allergies are fine, well as far as the dog goes - the weather is another story.  The funny thing is I read somewhere that this breed of dog can also be allergic to dust.  I guess we are a match made in heaven!

And as a side note, the homeschooling is still going great!

The best-laid plans...

We have all heard this saying and I'm sure we have all planned something that hasn't gone the way we wished it would. It seems this is my life theme.

When I was little all I wanted was to be a Mom. I even remember telling my very disappointed parents, "I don't need to go to college, I'm going to be a stay at home Mom and you don't need a degree for that!". I moved out when I was 21 and lived by myself for 10 years. The first 5 years were hard, if it weren't for my sister, brother-in-law and parents I would never have eaten meat. I remember having only $30 to buy my groceries and that had to last me 2 weeks. But I finally got to a place I wanted to be; I had a good job, nice furniture, enough clothes, my own car and all my bills were paid. I didn't accomplish all this by myself, my family helped when I really needed it but by in large I did it alone. I was and am proud of the fact that I was self reliant.

When Matt and I married he knew (and very much supported) not only would we have kids but that I would stay home with them. I assumed it would be hard living with one income but for the first couple of years we did okay. We never had an excessive amount of money be we had enough to pay the bills and go away for a long weekend once a year.

Life has a funny sense of irony. Perhaps when I was so adamant about what I wanted to be when I grew up I should have added the note *a stay at home mom with financial security *. My husband is one of the hardest working people I know, he works 12 hour days most days. Times are hard and a lot Matt's customers are small businesses and small businesses are having to tighten their belts which mean we are having to tighten ours as well. It's been a hard couple of years and sometimes the stress gets to both of us.

 I find myself jealous of friends that work because they are able to do much more than we are able to. I have to remind myself what's important to our family, what my goal is and honestly what my hearts desire has always been to keep that green eyed monster away. I'm not greedy and I'm not unrealistic. I just want to be secure enough that our finances are met, we have enough to take care of our basic needs and have some left over to tackle one of the "old house" jobs we have. That's it; no fireworks, no fanfare, no big expensive trips.

It's hard to keep my eye on the prize but when I think about what I'm gaining by being at home with my kids it makes all the struggle worthwhile and I know I'll be stronger for it in the end. Just like my "meatless" years.

"What doesn't kill us only makes us stronger" - I think I'll make that my new life theme. And when that monster starts rearing his ugly head I just need to look at this picture and remember what's really important.

The end of October already, how did that happen?

I guess you can say I've been busy so I haven't posted lately. I'm still trying to navigate through my days and boy are they flying by! Homeschool in still going great and we are enjoying all the field trips we get to go on.

Enjoying the new fire pit (and smores!)

We took the kids to their first Fair - the reviews were good.

Homeschool sweetie

Trip to Petersburg with our friends


Marty turned double digits (I'm still trying to wrap my brain around that!)

Playing with electricity at the Virginia Air and Space Center

And I even found time to decorate for Halloween.

Hope you are all enjoying this beautiful Fall weather!

Kathy

Goodbye Summer, Hello Homeschool!

Tuesday we started our new adventure... homeschool. So far it's been great. I was telling my husband last night how well we have been doing and he said "You sound surprised". To tell you the truth, I am! I had a huge melt down last week because I was so stressed out about the idea of my children's education being in my hands (I'm sure it didn't help that I was dealing with hurricane preparations and clean up too). After finishing up our week I can now see the beauty of staying home and teaching your own children.

If our local schools were an option I probably never would have taken on this journey. I know I'm only into this one week but I can't see why anyone would oppose this. Last year I cried for over two weeks when Louisa started Kindergarten. I missed having free time with my kids, we couldn't go to the park or the zoo whenever we wanted to. Someone else picked what was important to teach my kids, not what my children wanted to learn and certainly not what Matt and I wanted them to learn. I've had to fight school administrators every step of the way to keep my son challenged. My kids spent all day in school and then came home and had more work to do. I was watching my kids grow up way too fast.

I know this choice is not for everyone but for us it's a perfect fit.

Now here's where it might sticky... this choice was not made because my husband and I are rich and I can "afford" to stay home. The way I look at it we can't afford for me not to stay home. We are making sacrifices because it's what's best for our children. These are their formative years and they need to have the attention of their parents while they still want it. I know there are a lot of Mothers who choose or have to work and my hat is off to them - I don't know how they do it. But for me, my choice has always been that I would stay home with my kids. It's what my Mother did for us and I think it was one of the most important influences I had in my life. I have said many times; My Mother was always there for us each morning when we left for school and she was there for us when we got home. If this is all I can give my kids then I'm okay with that. Right now, I feel that I am giving them the best gift I can give them - my time.

I like that after we do Math and Language Arts we can do a little of this....

I asked them today if they like being home or if they missed going to school. They both said this was where they wanted to be. Who am I to question them?

Kathy

Still standing strong

According to our local newspaper, our girl (I still want to name her, any suggestion?) has withstood approximately 40 hurricanes in her time. She has weathered them all gracefully. Once again, during Hurricane Irene, she kept her family safe and dry.

There's no place like home...

Military Families

For those of you who have ever lived in or visited Hampton Roads you will know that it's a military town. Army, Navy, Air Force, Marines, Coast Guard... we have it all. When you've lived here your entire life you become accustom to a group of young soldiers in McDonald's getting lunch or a convoy of tanks and Humvees rolling down the interstate. It's a part of life here. We wake up to the sound of Marines running and singing cadence in unison - there's nothing better than hearing that. Our house regularly gets "buzzed" by helicopters and if you visit Virginia Beach you are sure to see the Jets flying (we LOVE Jet noise!).

I have had more friends than I can count wait for a husband, wife, sister or brother come home from a deployment. I have silently cried while during Show-n-Tell a three year old holds up a picture of his dad in desert camouflage, standing in the sand, holding a sign that says "I love you Ryan". I know children who put their lives on pause while they wait for their parents to return from a too long tour. I know men who have missed the birth of their child; went away with a newborn and came home to a toddler. I have seen families anxiously wait for orders not knowing when or where they will move.

I guess what I'm saying is, I've seen it all. But what I never become used to is the ultimate sacrifice Military Families have to face. Two days after a helicopter crashed and killed 30 American servicemen in Afghanistan, my friend had to say goodbye to her best friend and husband. He is an Army helicopter pilot going back to Afghanistan for the remainder of a 15 month tour. They have two children. How they let go is completely baffling to me; my heart goes out to them and to every family who has to let go, never knowing if they will ever see their loved one again.

The SEALs that were killed in the recent crash lived and worked right here in Hampton Roads. It's hit our part of the world hard, you can read about it here:

http://hamptonroads.com/2011/08/fallen-seals-came-many-walks-life

"Thank you for your service" is a small thing to say.

****UPDATED Wednesday August 10th****

This article was in the paper this morning, a very sweet tribute to such a tragic event.

http://hamptonroads.com/2011/08/surfers-honor-va-beach-navy-man-killed-afghan-crash