The best-laid plans...

We have all heard this saying and I'm sure we have all planned something that hasn't gone the way we wished it would. It seems this is my life theme.

When I was little all I wanted was to be a Mom. I even remember telling my very disappointed parents, "I don't need to go to college, I'm going to be a stay at home Mom and you don't need a degree for that!". I moved out when I was 21 and lived by myself for 10 years. The first 5 years were hard, if it weren't for my sister, brother-in-law and parents I would never have eaten meat. I remember having only $30 to buy my groceries and that had to last me 2 weeks. But I finally got to a place I wanted to be; I had a good job, nice furniture, enough clothes, my own car and all my bills were paid. I didn't accomplish all this by myself, my family helped when I really needed it but by in large I did it alone. I was and am proud of the fact that I was self reliant.

When Matt and I married he knew (and very much supported) not only would we have kids but that I would stay home with them. I assumed it would be hard living with one income but for the first couple of years we did okay. We never had an excessive amount of money be we had enough to pay the bills and go away for a long weekend once a year.

Life has a funny sense of irony. Perhaps when I was so adamant about what I wanted to be when I grew up I should have added the note *a stay at home mom with financial security *. My husband is one of the hardest working people I know, he works 12 hour days most days. Times are hard and a lot Matt's customers are small businesses and small businesses are having to tighten their belts which mean we are having to tighten ours as well. It's been a hard couple of years and sometimes the stress gets to both of us.

 I find myself jealous of friends that work because they are able to do much more than we are able to. I have to remind myself what's important to our family, what my goal is and honestly what my hearts desire has always been to keep that green eyed monster away. I'm not greedy and I'm not unrealistic. I just want to be secure enough that our finances are met, we have enough to take care of our basic needs and have some left over to tackle one of the "old house" jobs we have. That's it; no fireworks, no fanfare, no big expensive trips.

It's hard to keep my eye on the prize but when I think about what I'm gaining by being at home with my kids it makes all the struggle worthwhile and I know I'll be stronger for it in the end. Just like my "meatless" years.

"What doesn't kill us only makes us stronger" - I think I'll make that my new life theme. And when that monster starts rearing his ugly head I just need to look at this picture and remember what's really important.

The end of October already, how did that happen?

I guess you can say I've been busy so I haven't posted lately. I'm still trying to navigate through my days and boy are they flying by! Homeschool in still going great and we are enjoying all the field trips we get to go on.

Enjoying the new fire pit (and smores!)

We took the kids to their first Fair - the reviews were good.

Homeschool sweetie

Trip to Petersburg with our friends


Marty turned double digits (I'm still trying to wrap my brain around that!)

Playing with electricity at the Virginia Air and Space Center

And I even found time to decorate for Halloween.

Hope you are all enjoying this beautiful Fall weather!

Kathy

Goodbye Summer, Hello Homeschool!

Tuesday we started our new adventure... homeschool. So far it's been great. I was telling my husband last night how well we have been doing and he said "You sound surprised". To tell you the truth, I am! I had a huge melt down last week because I was so stressed out about the idea of my children's education being in my hands (I'm sure it didn't help that I was dealing with hurricane preparations and clean up too). After finishing up our week I can now see the beauty of staying home and teaching your own children.

If our local schools were an option I probably never would have taken on this journey. I know I'm only into this one week but I can't see why anyone would oppose this. Last year I cried for over two weeks when Louisa started Kindergarten. I missed having free time with my kids, we couldn't go to the park or the zoo whenever we wanted to. Someone else picked what was important to teach my kids, not what my children wanted to learn and certainly not what Matt and I wanted them to learn. I've had to fight school administrators every step of the way to keep my son challenged. My kids spent all day in school and then came home and had more work to do. I was watching my kids grow up way too fast.

I know this choice is not for everyone but for us it's a perfect fit.

Now here's where it might sticky... this choice was not made because my husband and I are rich and I can "afford" to stay home. The way I look at it we can't afford for me not to stay home. We are making sacrifices because it's what's best for our children. These are their formative years and they need to have the attention of their parents while they still want it. I know there are a lot of Mothers who choose or have to work and my hat is off to them - I don't know how they do it. But for me, my choice has always been that I would stay home with my kids. It's what my Mother did for us and I think it was one of the most important influences I had in my life. I have said many times; My Mother was always there for us each morning when we left for school and she was there for us when we got home. If this is all I can give my kids then I'm okay with that. Right now, I feel that I am giving them the best gift I can give them - my time.

I like that after we do Math and Language Arts we can do a little of this....

I asked them today if they like being home or if they missed going to school. They both said this was where they wanted to be. Who am I to question them?

Kathy

Still standing strong

According to our local newspaper, our girl (I still want to name her, any suggestion?) has withstood approximately 40 hurricanes in her time. She has weathered them all gracefully. Once again, during Hurricane Irene, she kept her family safe and dry.

There's no place like home...

Military Families

For those of you who have ever lived in or visited Hampton Roads you will know that it's a military town. Army, Navy, Air Force, Marines, Coast Guard... we have it all. When you've lived here your entire life you become accustom to a group of young soldiers in McDonald's getting lunch or a convoy of tanks and Humvees rolling down the interstate. It's a part of life here. We wake up to the sound of Marines running and singing cadence in unison - there's nothing better than hearing that. Our house regularly gets "buzzed" by helicopters and if you visit Virginia Beach you are sure to see the Jets flying (we LOVE Jet noise!).

I have had more friends than I can count wait for a husband, wife, sister or brother come home from a deployment. I have silently cried while during Show-n-Tell a three year old holds up a picture of his dad in desert camouflage, standing in the sand, holding a sign that says "I love you Ryan". I know children who put their lives on pause while they wait for their parents to return from a too long tour. I know men who have missed the birth of their child; went away with a newborn and came home to a toddler. I have seen families anxiously wait for orders not knowing when or where they will move.

I guess what I'm saying is, I've seen it all. But what I never become used to is the ultimate sacrifice Military Families have to face. Two days after a helicopter crashed and killed 30 American servicemen in Afghanistan, my friend had to say goodbye to her best friend and husband. He is an Army helicopter pilot going back to Afghanistan for the remainder of a 15 month tour. They have two children. How they let go is completely baffling to me; my heart goes out to them and to every family who has to let go, never knowing if they will ever see their loved one again.

The SEALs that were killed in the recent crash lived and worked right here in Hampton Roads. It's hit our part of the world hard, you can read about it here:

http://hamptonroads.com/2011/08/fallen-seals-came-many-walks-life

"Thank you for your service" is a small thing to say.

****UPDATED Wednesday August 10th****

This article was in the paper this morning, a very sweet tribute to such a tragic event.

http://hamptonroads.com/2011/08/surfers-honor-va-beach-navy-man-killed-afghan-crash

Social ignorance

There was an article in this morning’s paper about our local homeschool store. You can read it here:

http://hamptonroads.com/2011/07/virginia-beach-woman-was-homeschooling-pioneer

And while the article was uplifting and informative the comments left me shaking my head. Most of the comments were negative and ignorant and the majority of them pinged on the non-social aspect of homeschooling.

Who socialized Abraham Lincoln? George Washington? Thomas Jefferson? And if you think there are only a handful of famous homeschoolers please check this list:

http://www.homeschoolacademy.com/famoushomeschoolers.htm

Think of it this way; before schools were “public” most of the people in the U.S. were homeschooled. Their parents taught them, and as you know the United States was not formed by a bunch of idiots – so someone was doing a good job teaching them. If you lived on a prairie (Laura Ingalls Wilder) who did you socialize with? Now I’m not ready to put on a bonnet, churn my own butter and have 10 kids but I do think you can have your cake and eat it too. I can be a 21st century mom and still homeschool my kids, they will turn out to be well rounded and *gasp* “socialized”!


A couple of years ago I couldn’t figure out what was going on with one of my 3 year old preschoolers. He couldn’t sit still, he kept make “gun” noises and for the life of him he couldn’t keep his hands from moving – constantly. He was very smart but he was always in his own world, anti-social and was a major source of frustration. Finally I talked with his mother and found out the problem. Video Games; lots and lots of violent, not for 3 year old video games. He couldn’t even go to the bathroom at home without a video game! His mother said it kept him and his brother “busy”, which means out of her hair. This child was the very definition of anti-social; he had no desire to play with other kids and if he did find one to play with, he had no idea how to play with them (he liked spinning round and round on the playground all by himself).

We all know kids that spend hours playing video games. They can’t attend a family function without their DS, can’t go out to eat without an iPod or cell phone (god forbid you miss an important text from your BFF). They can’t hold a conversation with their peers much less with an adult.

I think these are “anti-social” kids and most of them attend public school. I know that not all kids are this way and most parents enforce time limits on video games. I’m just trying to make a point; there are exceptions to every rule.

You find anti-social kids in public school and you can find socialized kids in the homeschooled world. My kids are good kids. I can take them out to eat and don’t have to apologize to the restaurant when we leave for their behavior. They both have iPods but aren’t allowed to take them out of the house. I have been complemented numerous times for their conversation abilities, I expect if an adult speaks to them they respond. I allow my kids to be kids but I also set boundaries, something kids need and sadly these days don’t have.

Do I worry that my kids will not see other kids and learn how to interact with their peers? Absolutely not. It’s going to part of what I need to do as a homeschooling parent. The good news is I can pick and choose who they can (and can’t) socialize with. Marty learned a lot of things this past year in private school that I didn’t approve of and now I don’t have to worry about him being with those same kids next year.

I guess my point to this entire post is; there is a lot of good about homeschooling and there is probably some bad. No one is perfect and no situation is a good fit for everyone. If you want to criticize homeschoolers, fine but make sure you know what you are talking about before you just throw an ignorant comment out there.



On a lighter note, next Saturday we leave for Florida. The kids and I are very excited! Hopefully we will have loads of pictures to show you when we get back.

Have a safe a fabulous 4th of July!!!!
Kathy

I just don't "bounce" like I used to!

Two Thursdays ago Marty asked "Can we go for a walk?". Simple enough request, right? We set off for the little park that's in front of our neighborhood. The kids love it because it's open and has plenty of space for riding bikes and scooters, I love it because it's contained and I can watch both of them. It was a nice day, not too hot and low humidity (just how I like summer days). We got to the park but had to cross the road that leads into Portsmouth Naval Hospital, it was in the afternoon so there were a lot of people leaving for the day. I made both kids get off their rides to walk them across - safety first! We got across but Marty was having trouble getting his bike over the curb. Now, if you're a Mom you know I wasn't just walking carefree to the park. No, I had the bottle of water (in case they got too hot), my keys, cell phone (for emergencies), Louisa's scooter (because she's still needs help) and Louisa's hand (because she still needs help!). As I was stepping up on the curb I reached down with my left hand (bottle water, keys and cell phone were in this hand) to grab Marty's tire when Louisa's scooter spun around and whacked me in my right shin. This caused me to trip and do the best somersault I have done in my 40s (Louisa later told me "Mom, you did a great flip!").

When you're a kid and you fall the first thing you do is look to see how much blood there is. When you fall as an adult the first thing you do is look to see how many people saw you! Lucky for me it was only a shift change at the hospital, the 4 Marines at the guard shack have seen worse I'm sure!

Not 10 minutes prior to my fall, Marty had taken a tumble on his bike and landed in almost the exact same way. He jumped up, wiped his hands and said "I'm ok!" - not a scratch, bump or bruise - and kept going. I was not so lucky. Marty asked me later "how come parents get hurt so easily when they fall?" My response "I just don't bounce like I used to".

Hopefully I'll be able to stop wearing the wrist brace this week :-)

Kathy