Sunday, February 20, 2011

Don't blog while mad...

It's probably not the wisest of ideas, in fact I'm sure it's breaking some "Internet" rule (anyone seen The Social Network?). Sometimes when your mad at your spouse they tell you they're sorry and then what? The anger just doesn't go away. So what to do with it? Saying your sorry is a good thing and something I have asked my husband on more than one occasion to do; "Just say you screwed up and you're sorry!". Okay, well he's done that but how do I move onto the next phase? How do you move from a screwed up face and a tight neck to "is dinner ready?". I guess it's like anything... time. Just give it time and it's like it never happened.

One of the biggest things I have had to learn in my marriage is how to properly fight. It's probably something we all need to learn - don't hit below the belt, we want a clean fight. But I probably struggle with it more than some. My parents never fought; never even argued and if there was a disagreement it was done in private after we went to bed. The reason for this is not that my parents were always on the same page but that my parents were born in the 30s. My Mother always agreed with my Father and when she didn't he knew it was important enough to back down and let her have her way. She is a saint. I am NOTHING like her, in fact I'm a lot like my Father. It took me a long time to realize that my way was not the only way. Matt and I grew up in two very different households and we have different life experiences so why would we think alike? We fundamentally share the same beliefs. I let him run the business and he lets me run the kids; but we both have input. I have no point of reference on how to fight "clean" so now what?

Taking 10 minutes to myself to type a small blog post and thinking about what I do next is a good start. I feel better now; no screwed up face, no tight neck.

I'll leave you with this poem, I chose it to be read at our wedding. It was written 125 years ago but still rings true today. I guess some things never change, which is probably what the last line eludes to.

Marriage Advice From 1886", by Jane Wells

"Never go to bed angry.
Let your love be stronger than your hate or anger.
Learn the wisdom of compromise, for it is easier to bend a little than to break.
Believe the best rather than the worst.
People have a way of living up or down to your opinion of them.
Remember that true friendship is the basis for any lasting relationship.
The person you choose to marry is deserving of the courtesies and kindness you bestow on your friends.
Please pass this on to your children and their children's children.
The more things change the more they are the same."


  1. I don't think writing while angry is too big of a deal- especially since your surrounded by friends who have been in the same position at some point in time. Being angry just means that your human!

    Im here for you if you ever need an ear!

  2. Kathy,

    Love "Marriage Advice from 1886". Good advice is a timeless treasure.

    I am an all mood writer. Read it or not. I admire your blog because you are so genuine.

    Your Friend,

  3. Deborah, I love this. I also struggle with going from a mad face to 'dinner's ready' and lfe moving on after a fight. And like you my parents fought well and agreed all the time so I also never learnt to fight fair or properly as you said. I kinda feel that if I do go from accepting the apology I always deserve from my husband to 'dinner's ready' in less than an hour he might think my feelings are easy to break and mend. Am I crazy? Trying to improve myself though. He is such a good, good man!
    I'll definitely be back for more of your real, honest and funny blog!


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