Wednesday, October 27, 2010

The harsh truth....

I need to loose weight... there, I said it.

It's a fact I deal with every day. I have no excuse why I don't work out, I work at the YMCA for crying out loud. When I clock out I see those dedicated people spinning and I think "I should be doing that". But I go home anyway. I'm tired and have mountains of things to do. Everything always comes first, everything except me. Laundry, dishes, dirty bathrooms, preschool work, blogging, grocery shopping, hair cuts, doctors appointments, homework, you name it; it comes first. The problem is I'm over 40 now (another truth) and I'm feeling the extra weight. You know what I mean, you can't get off the floor as easy as before. Your back and knees hurt. Your boobs are too big (yes, this can happen gentlemen!). I hate clothes shopping and looking in mirrors. I don't know that person anymore! What happened to the 22 year old confident girl who moved out of her parents house to be independent and wouldn't let anything stop her? After I had Marty (the first child) I walked 4 miles at least three times a week. I lost all the pregnancy weight and felt great. But then you have another child and the first one doesn't want to be confined so he walks with you. Let me tell you, you can't loose weight walking at a 3 year olds pace. Look a rock! A duck! A squirrel! You name it they stop every 2 minutes to look at something. So I stopped walking. I started working out at the YMCA and it aggravated my knee problem and created a foot problem - so I stopped going.

Today I vow I'm going for a walk. Right now in fact.

I need to put me first.

Saturday, October 9, 2010

A complete U Turn....

I started pulling out my Halloween decorations (my kids have been bugging me for a week) and I was going to originally write my post about that. When I decided to write this blog I was going to dedicate it to "Our crazy life" not just decoration and renovating. I find it to be my therapy sometimes. I have one close friend that I can talk to about everything but she lives 4 hours away and I only talk to her a couple times a month. My family is no longer as close as I would like, in heart not proximity, so I find that sometimes I have no one to confide in. It helps me to write, even if no one is reading. I'm not going to be one of those bloggers who goes out and spends a fortune to totally redecorate their homes just to snap a few pictures and show off to blogland. I don't have the time or money for that. I love going to the Goodwill and thrift stores to find something old and seeing how little I can spend. It's the bargain hunter in me and if I were to win the lottery I would still try to find the perfect deal.

I didn't get married until I was 32, I wasn't a mother until I was 34. I lived by myself for 10 years and had parties and went to parties. I dated, had fun, had a career, had a house, drank to excess, went shopping and did all the things a young person should do. I also tucked myself into bed every night and didn't have anyone to check on or kiss while they were asleep. The only thing I ever wanted to be when I was little was my Mother. We had a perfect childhood. My Dad was home every night at 6:00 for dinner my Mamma came to every school function. She packed lunches, checked homework, broke up fights and kissed us goodnight every night. She didn't have a "girls weekend", didn't see her friends for lunch or drinks, didn't work outside the home. My Dad took us places; to the park, long drives for lunch, to the drive in movies (telling my age!), showed up for every Choral concert I had and yelled "Way to go Kathy" every time he saw me. I adored my Grandparents and all of my extended family (there are a lot of us!).

Being a wife has had it's challenges but being a Mother is all encompassing. At least that's the way choose to live it. Right now it's not about me or my husband; it's about our kids. "Home is where the heart is" I always knew that but not until I had kids did completely understand it. You see, when your children are born your heart leaves your body - all of the sudden your heart is walking around with someone else! I have found I do somethings different than my Mother. I do have lunch with my friends, sometimes even drinks. I have a part time job and I'm certainly not as patient but at the end of the day my children and my husband love me and I want to be Home with them as much as I can.

Pretty soon my kids will be too old to hang out with their parents so while they are young I'm going to take advantage of every minute I can get. My son once told me he felt bad because before I had kids I could do what I wanted, when I wanted. I explained that he was right, but I had had my time to do those things and now was his and Louisa's turn. When they got older I would have "my time" again (although I probably won't want it!).

I'm not trying to keep up with the Jones or anyone else. I'm just trying to keep with with my family and hope that when my children are grown they'll think I did a good job and want to come back to see me.

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