Wednesday, August 19, 2015

A new beginning

They say life is a journey.  When I go on a trip I don't usually like to travel on the interstate going from point A to point B.  I like to go on the back roads, sometimes driving aimlessly along the twisting and turning roads getting to the final destination but making stops and changes along the way.

Why did I think life would be one endless interstate road getting me to where I was going then?  I knew there would be bumps along the way, I just didn't know that my life would take the complete U turn it's taken this past year. I didn't know I would have to rethink what I wanted and how I was going to get it.  I've learned a lot through my journey but the most important thing I've learn is how strong I am and when faced with a hard decision I didn't cave, didn't curl up in a ball. Like Jed Bartlet I just keep asking "What's next".

I don't think it's wise to lay my dirty laundry out on the table for the world to see but I will tell you - I was in a bad place and my marriage was crumbling around me.  I tried for several years to put it back on track, I just couldn't do it alone.  So after doing all I could to work it out I decided it would be better for all of us to walk away. This is no easy task for a stay at home mom who hasn't worked a full time job in almost 13 years. It all started with a chance run in with a past co-worker, "You know they want you to come back to preschool" she said. And from that a seed was planted and I stared to take it one step at a time, until I had a plan.

In March the kids and I moved into a house 1/4 of the size of my wonderful old Foursquare - god I miss that house. I'm working 3 jobs now and still homeschooling my kids. It's been a hard year for all of us but we are trying to find our new normal, we aren't there yet but we will be.  I have to be confident that things will be okay, what choice do I have really? My kids are counting on me and they are watching me, learning from me.  I need to show them it's okay to be afraid but not to give in to that fear.  Once you find a new path; push your shoulders back, hold your head high and kick some ass.

I'm not sure what the future holds for us, but I have to believe that we're going to be just fine.
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