Thursday, September 3, 2015

Finding our new normal

This past year has been shitty, there is no way to soft peddle that fact. My kids have seen their parent's marriage dissolve, had to move out of the only home they've ever known and are dealing with their mother trying to hold down three jobs while juggling homeschool.  To say their world has been turned upside down would be an understatement.

This is all new territory for us and we are navigating the only way we know how, by sheer force and determination. There have been days when the only thing I wanted to do was stay in bed and give in; but I didn't.  I got up and even though I might not have gotten dressed when convention tells most of us we should, I eventually did.

Asking children under the age of 13 to understand grown up issues such as divorce is to say the least asinine.  Hell I don't know what happened most of the time - how can I expect them to handle this information? There have been some hiccups, we've re-adjusted and kept going.  I'm not saying any of it is perfect, honestly most of the time I have no idea what I'm doing.

There is one thing that keeps me going though - my kids, it's that simple.  They are everything to me and I will do whatever I need to do to give them a happy life.

Recently my son was talking to his gamer friends on Skype and I passed his bedroom and threw out a smart-ass comment - I have no idea what I said but I heard him laugh and say "Yeah, she is".  What? What am I?

"My friends think you're cool" 

Why I wondered? What had he told a group of kids he had never met in real life about his mother to make them think I was cool?  I have NEVER been cool! Never, not in school, n.e.v.e.r.

I asked him later what won me the "cool mom" title.  He said he told his friends about me and they think it's great I talk to him and he can talk to me. I care about what he think and ask his opinion often.  I may loose my shit and yell sometimes but I always come back and talk about what went wrong and will apologize if necessary.

It's the one thing I said I would do if I was ever a mother.  I may screw up a million different ways but I am at least - without even knowing it - holding up my end of the bargain I made with myself all those years ago.

We took the summer off from school, something we usually don't do but now it's time to get back to work and figure out what that new normal is. I might not be the first normal we find or even the second (or third); it's going to take time but I have that.  And as long as I have my kids to keep that time with we will figure it out. We will find normal again.

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