Finding our new normal

This past year has been shitty, there is no way to soft peddle that fact. My kids have seen their parent's marriage dissolve, had to move out of the only home they've ever known and are dealing with their mother trying to hold down three jobs while juggling homeschool.  To say their world has been turned upside down would be an understatement.

This is all new territory for us and we are navigating the only way we know how, by sheer force and determination. There have been days when the only thing I wanted to do was stay in bed and give in; but I didn't.  I got up and even though I might not have gotten dressed when convention tells most of us we should, I eventually did.

Asking children under the age of 13 to understand grown up issues such as divorce is to say the least asinine.  Hell I don't know what happened most of the time - how can I expect them to handle this information? There have been some hiccups, we've re-adjusted and kept going.  I'm not saying any of it is perfect, honestly most of the time I have no idea what I'm doing.

There is one thing that keeps me going though - my kids, it's that simple.  They are everything to me and I will do whatever I need to do to give them a happy life.

Recently my son was talking to his gamer friends on Skype and I passed his bedroom and threw out a smart-ass comment - I have no idea what I said but I heard him laugh and say "Yeah, she is".  What? What am I?

"My friends think you're cool" 

Why I wondered? What had he told a group of kids he had never met in real life about his mother to make them think I was cool?  I have NEVER been cool! Never, not in school, n.e.v.e.r.

I asked him later what won me the "cool mom" title.  He said he told his friends about me and they think it's great I talk to him and he can talk to me. I care about what he think and ask his opinion often.  I may loose my shit and yell sometimes but I always come back and talk about what went wrong and will apologize if necessary.

It's the one thing I said I would do if I was ever a mother.  I may screw up a million different ways but I am at least - without even knowing it - holding up my end of the bargain I made with myself all those years ago.

We took the summer off from school, something we usually don't do but now it's time to get back to work and figure out what that new normal is. I might not be the first normal we find or even the second (or third); it's going to take time but I have that.  And as long as I have my kids to keep that time with we will figure it out. We will find normal again.

Here's my excuse...

I don't have one, I've just been trying to navigate life.  We just started our third year of homeschooling and although I'm feeling better about our direction I still feeling like I'm traveling to parts unknown without a map.  Both of the kids have done very well on their "proof of progress" test and I can tell they are learning a lot, it's just one of those things you don't know until you know.  This year we have joined a co-op in order to give the kids a break from each other and to let them explore their creative sides.  There are some things you just can't do at home, we can sing in the kitchen all we want but we really can't call ourselves a choir...  I'm excited about the co-op, I think we all need an outlet.  I have a really great group of friends to join us on field trips or park days but it's always nice to have more!

As far as the house renovations go?  Well that's a different story.  I'm pretty sure one day we will get back to projects but for now we are waiting for a new bathtub and the house is going to have to be painted this fall.  I'll keep you posted, hopefully that will happen sooner than later.

I want to be better this year about posting, it's good to be back.

Goodbye Summer, Hello Homeschool!

Tuesday we started our new adventure... homeschool. So far it's been great. I was telling my husband last night how well we have been doing and he said "You sound surprised". To tell you the truth, I am! I had a huge melt down last week because I was so stressed out about the idea of my children's education being in my hands (I'm sure it didn't help that I was dealing with hurricane preparations and clean up too). After finishing up our week I can now see the beauty of staying home and teaching your own children.

If our local schools were an option I probably never would have taken on this journey. I know I'm only into this one week but I can't see why anyone would oppose this. Last year I cried for over two weeks when Louisa started Kindergarten. I missed having free time with my kids, we couldn't go to the park or the zoo whenever we wanted to. Someone else picked what was important to teach my kids, not what my children wanted to learn and certainly not what Matt and I wanted them to learn. I've had to fight school administrators every step of the way to keep my son challenged. My kids spent all day in school and then came home and had more work to do. I was watching my kids grow up way too fast.

I know this choice is not for everyone but for us it's a perfect fit.

Now here's where it might sticky... this choice was not made because my husband and I are rich and I can "afford" to stay home. The way I look at it we can't afford for me not to stay home. We are making sacrifices because it's what's best for our children. These are their formative years and they need to have the attention of their parents while they still want it. I know there are a lot of Mothers who choose or have to work and my hat is off to them - I don't know how they do it. But for me, my choice has always been that I would stay home with my kids. It's what my Mother did for us and I think it was one of the most important influences I had in my life. I have said many times; My Mother was always there for us each morning when we left for school and she was there for us when we got home. If this is all I can give my kids then I'm okay with that. Right now, I feel that I am giving them the best gift I can give them - my time.

I like that after we do Math and Language Arts we can do a little of this....

I asked them today if they like being home or if they missed going to school. They both said this was where they wanted to be. Who am I to question them?

Kathy

Social ignorance

There was an article in this morning’s paper about our local homeschool store. You can read it here:

http://hamptonroads.com/2011/07/virginia-beach-woman-was-homeschooling-pioneer

And while the article was uplifting and informative the comments left me shaking my head. Most of the comments were negative and ignorant and the majority of them pinged on the non-social aspect of homeschooling.

Who socialized Abraham Lincoln? George Washington? Thomas Jefferson? And if you think there are only a handful of famous homeschoolers please check this list:

http://www.homeschoolacademy.com/famoushomeschoolers.htm

Think of it this way; before schools were “public” most of the people in the U.S. were homeschooled. Their parents taught them, and as you know the United States was not formed by a bunch of idiots – so someone was doing a good job teaching them. If you lived on a prairie (Laura Ingalls Wilder) who did you socialize with? Now I’m not ready to put on a bonnet, churn my own butter and have 10 kids but I do think you can have your cake and eat it too. I can be a 21st century mom and still homeschool my kids, they will turn out to be well rounded and *gasp* “socialized”!


A couple of years ago I couldn’t figure out what was going on with one of my 3 year old preschoolers. He couldn’t sit still, he kept make “gun” noises and for the life of him he couldn’t keep his hands from moving – constantly. He was very smart but he was always in his own world, anti-social and was a major source of frustration. Finally I talked with his mother and found out the problem. Video Games; lots and lots of violent, not for 3 year old video games. He couldn’t even go to the bathroom at home without a video game! His mother said it kept him and his brother “busy”, which means out of her hair. This child was the very definition of anti-social; he had no desire to play with other kids and if he did find one to play with, he had no idea how to play with them (he liked spinning round and round on the playground all by himself).

We all know kids that spend hours playing video games. They can’t attend a family function without their DS, can’t go out to eat without an iPod or cell phone (god forbid you miss an important text from your BFF). They can’t hold a conversation with their peers much less with an adult.

I think these are “anti-social” kids and most of them attend public school. I know that not all kids are this way and most parents enforce time limits on video games. I’m just trying to make a point; there are exceptions to every rule.

You find anti-social kids in public school and you can find socialized kids in the homeschooled world. My kids are good kids. I can take them out to eat and don’t have to apologize to the restaurant when we leave for their behavior. They both have iPods but aren’t allowed to take them out of the house. I have been complemented numerous times for their conversation abilities, I expect if an adult speaks to them they respond. I allow my kids to be kids but I also set boundaries, something kids need and sadly these days don’t have.

Do I worry that my kids will not see other kids and learn how to interact with their peers? Absolutely not. It’s going to part of what I need to do as a homeschooling parent. The good news is I can pick and choose who they can (and can’t) socialize with. Marty learned a lot of things this past year in private school that I didn’t approve of and now I don’t have to worry about him being with those same kids next year.

I guess my point to this entire post is; there is a lot of good about homeschooling and there is probably some bad. No one is perfect and no situation is a good fit for everyone. If you want to criticize homeschoolers, fine but make sure you know what you are talking about before you just throw an ignorant comment out there.



On a lighter note, next Saturday we leave for Florida. The kids and I are very excited! Hopefully we will have loads of pictures to show you when we get back.

Have a safe a fabulous 4th of July!!!!
Kathy

Why I'm homeschooling

I know I've posted about the disappointment Matt and I have felt in the private school our children have been attending and the fact that our public school is not an option for us. I've met resistance from family, teachers and friends about the decision to homeschool next year (and possible every year) and I too have had my doubts. Why am I homeschooling? Well the current situation might have pushed me in that direction but now that I've done my research and talked to current and former homeschoolers I'm confident in my choice to take this on. I know this for sure, my family is my world and my job as a Mother is to raise my kids to be the best adults they can be. Homeschool is not for everyone and you need to be 100% on board to accomplish this goal.

My two friends (that will be homeschooling with me next year) and I went to The Home Educators Association of Virginia's conference this past Thursday and while I was listening to one of the speakers this thought hit me - If your child is having trouble in school you get them a tutor so they can catch up. Why does the tutor work so well? Because it's one on one teaching/learning and it moves at the child's pace - Homeschooling is like your child having his own personal tutor for 12 years, how can that be a bad thing?

We are excited that we get to handpick all the non-skill subjects. Growing up in Virginia all of my History classes consisted of the American Revolution or the Civil War. I didn't learn any world history until I went to college! Marty asked to learn about Ancient Greece and Rome. For Science class I got him a book about Genes and DNA and a book about inventors, when he saw the books Friday morning he got so excited he started reading them right there on the spot!

In the past 17 years Matt and I have had our ups and downs but one thing my husband has always been is my champion. He always respects my decisions and never tells me that I'm wrong. He doesn't always agree with me but he ALWAYS supports me, something I wish I could get from other people. This weekend he told me he knew I would do a good job and could see that I was getting excited about starting and then he told me he was proud of me. I know that crazy man loves me but knowing that he is proud of me and will be there for me makes this entire journey that much sweeter.

Last year after both of my kids were in school full time I wrote this post. I felt this way for a month and then I just got used to them being gone for most of the day. Now I get the best of both worlds. I love my kids and hope that homeschool will not only teach them a great deal but will bring us closer as a family.

http://eykamphaus.blogspot.com/2010/09/new-chapter.html

p.s. Summer vacation has been going well and we're looking forward to a vacation in Florida in July!

Summer's here!

First order of business? Figure it all out... I'll let you know how it goes!

Kathy

I'm still here!

Spring break has come and gone. We had a nice time and even got to do a few fun things while we were off from school.

Marty's class visited Jamestown (the first permanent English colony in America) and learned a lot about how hard life was for those first brave men.

Louisa's Kindergarten class had an Easter party at a friends house and I learned a lot of 6 year old knock-knock jokes while driving them to the party.

The Easter Bunny visited.

And we all got new hair cuts!

Best of all I learned I'm ready for summer break. I'm looking forward to homeschooling the kids next year and going at our own pace. I believe as a society we have all gotten so far away from each other that this "old fashioned" idea of school might just help bring us back together. Kids don't know how to function without an electronic game or phone in their hand. Parents run their kids here, there and everywhere but never really spend time with them. How many families still have dinner together every night without the Television on or in the backseat of a car on the way to practice? How many of them take a walk and just talk to their kids? I think it's time we all got back to a more basic way of living; slow down, enjoy each other's company.

I'm not ready to give up my computer or cell phone just yet but I think there's a lot to be said for a simpler way of life.

Hope you all had a wonderful Holiday and got to slow down too!

Kathy

Working out the details

Yesterday I had to spill the beans about our plans for homeschooling to my son. He's seen me reading how-to books, organizing cabinets with school books and supplies and going to "meetings". He's too smart to let it pass so yesterday he finally asked me why all of this was happening. I told him as little as possible (he has a need to know everything, so it wasn't easy). I want him to know what we are thinking about but I'm still keeping all of the details to myself. I made him a promise that on the last day of school I would give him the full run down, only two more months.

At first he looked at me like I had two heads and then he asked the question I knew would be first "You mean I'm going to have to leave all my friends?". That's not an easy one, how do you tell your child you're taking him away from his security? After I explained the good points to him I could see a little spark in his eye. He had a few minutes to think about it and then he was on board! There are so many advantages to this way of learning and the more I hear the more I can understand why it works.

When I went to school my parents didn't have to think about where I went to school or the quality of that school. There were no SOLs and "No Child Left Behind" wasn't even a thought yet. Don't get me started on those two ideas... My best friend's fathers were a lawyer and a doctor. They could have gone to private school if they wanted to but we had a good school so it wasn't even questioned. The hardest obstacle we have had to overcome with our children is schooling. We knew before we had kids that we would never send them to our neighborhood public school and when we found the private school they attend I had been warned by many to beware. I figured that we could just supplement what they weren't getting at home. What I didn't know is that paying for your child's education doesn't mean you will be heard at the school when there is a problem; and I certainly didn't figure that our concerns would be ignored.

I still have a lot to figure out and some days I panic because I'll be in charge of my child's education but once we hit our stride I think we'll find it suits our family. This might be the answer we have been searching for all along.

Kathy