Black-eyed Peas

Marty is all about trying new things since he discovered butter beans at Easter dinner. Today at the grocery store he asked if he could try black-eyed peas. Now anytime one of my kids voluntarily asks to try a vegetable I'm all over it, so I grabbed a bag of frozen peas and headed home.

While we were eating I was telling the kids that they were one of my favorite foods (I don't ever cook them because up to now I had no one to share them with), while we were talking a memory that I had tucked away came creeping out. My Nannie used to serve her peas with small slivers of red peppers mixed in - you know the kind that will burn your lips off if you're not careful.

I know it may sound insignificant but it's one of those things I had forgotten about Nannie. When she died I swore I would never forget anything about her. During her many visits we shared a room. She snored so loud that it kept me awake most of the night, of course she said I talked to much she couldn't sleep either. My father was convinced one of us was exaggerating! She taught us songs with bad words and had the craziest sayings you have ever heard (S*&t in one hand and wish in the other and see which fills up first). We used to chase her around the backyard holding a frog, her screaming and laughing all the time.

I adored her.

Tonight my son's dinner request brought back a little piece of a wonderful woman who meant the world to me. The gift of a memory is a rare and wonderful thing, thanks Marty.

I'm not sure if I taught them or they taught me.

Last night I realized that I only have a few more days as a preschool teacher. I have been going to the YMCA for 6 years and have been teaching for the last 4. I never set out to work there, I was asked if I would like to take the job. I never even considered getting a part-time job, I was happy being a stay at home mother. When Sue asked me if I would consider the job, I told her as long as my children came first I would love to do it. She said she wouldn't want it any other way, I guess that's why I have so much respect for her - she and I always put our families first. I didn't even ask her how much it paid, I didn't care.

Of all the places I worked and of all the important jobs I did; I've never had one that was more important to me, that I cared about any more or that I enjoyed working at as much as working at the Preschool. It's a special place; the kids make you laugh, you get paid to read stories and make crafts and you can eat Teddy Grahams for a snack and no one looks at you funny.

I've met a group of wonderful women that I now call friends. We don't fight, bicker, back stab or gossip. We care about each others families, make dinners when there are births and deaths, celebrate each other's birthdays and laugh, we laugh a lot!

My kids (my husband likes to point out that I call them "my kids") are beautiful and each one has their own personal place in my heart. There is nothing sweeter than a little child telling you "I love you" for no other reason than they truly do. I love watching them on the first day not knowing how to walk in a line or wait their turn and then by the end of the year they recognize their written name and can tell you letters, numbers and colors they didn't know before. They still have to be reminded to wait their turn but they are 3 and when you're 3 you are still finding out you are not the center of your universe.

My husband and I made the decision that I would home school next year. And being the person that I am I don't think I can keep up with this house, teach my kids and hold down a part time job. After a lot of soul searching I decided I would not return to the YMCA in the fall. I'm not sure if I'm doing the right thing and maybe I can return the year after but for right now I think it's what I have to do in order to stay sane.

I'm not sure if 10 years from now my kids will remember me but I know for a fact that I'll remember them.

I'm still here!

Spring break has come and gone. We had a nice time and even got to do a few fun things while we were off from school.

Marty's class visited Jamestown (the first permanent English colony in America) and learned a lot about how hard life was for those first brave men.

Louisa's Kindergarten class had an Easter party at a friends house and I learned a lot of 6 year old knock-knock jokes while driving them to the party.

The Easter Bunny visited.

And we all got new hair cuts!

Best of all I learned I'm ready for summer break. I'm looking forward to homeschooling the kids next year and going at our own pace. I believe as a society we have all gotten so far away from each other that this "old fashioned" idea of school might just help bring us back together. Kids don't know how to function without an electronic game or phone in their hand. Parents run their kids here, there and everywhere but never really spend time with them. How many families still have dinner together every night without the Television on or in the backseat of a car on the way to practice? How many of them take a walk and just talk to their kids? I think it's time we all got back to a more basic way of living; slow down, enjoy each other's company.

I'm not ready to give up my computer or cell phone just yet but I think there's a lot to be said for a simpler way of life.

Hope you all had a wonderful Holiday and got to slow down too!

Kathy

Working out the details

Yesterday I had to spill the beans about our plans for homeschooling to my son. He's seen me reading how-to books, organizing cabinets with school books and supplies and going to "meetings". He's too smart to let it pass so yesterday he finally asked me why all of this was happening. I told him as little as possible (he has a need to know everything, so it wasn't easy). I want him to know what we are thinking about but I'm still keeping all of the details to myself. I made him a promise that on the last day of school I would give him the full run down, only two more months.

At first he looked at me like I had two heads and then he asked the question I knew would be first "You mean I'm going to have to leave all my friends?". That's not an easy one, how do you tell your child you're taking him away from his security? After I explained the good points to him I could see a little spark in his eye. He had a few minutes to think about it and then he was on board! There are so many advantages to this way of learning and the more I hear the more I can understand why it works.

When I went to school my parents didn't have to think about where I went to school or the quality of that school. There were no SOLs and "No Child Left Behind" wasn't even a thought yet. Don't get me started on those two ideas... My best friend's fathers were a lawyer and a doctor. They could have gone to private school if they wanted to but we had a good school so it wasn't even questioned. The hardest obstacle we have had to overcome with our children is schooling. We knew before we had kids that we would never send them to our neighborhood public school and when we found the private school they attend I had been warned by many to beware. I figured that we could just supplement what they weren't getting at home. What I didn't know is that paying for your child's education doesn't mean you will be heard at the school when there is a problem; and I certainly didn't figure that our concerns would be ignored.

I still have a lot to figure out and some days I panic because I'll be in charge of my child's education but once we hit our stride I think we'll find it suits our family. This might be the answer we have been searching for all along.

Kathy

Fate

“Habent sua fata libelli” (books have their fate) ~ Latin Saying
“Houses do too, don't they?” ~ Karin Eckelmeyer


Do you believe in Fate? I do, in fact I think it's one of the basics of existence. I believe we each run in a series of circles (for lack of a better phrase) that keep us coming in contact with the same people over and over again throughout our lifetime and throughout the lifetimes of our ancestors.

How else do I explain that months before I landed my new job, a man walked into the Red Cross with a colleague and spoke to a woman about CPR training. That woman was my Aunt who asked if there were any job openings at their company (she was always looking for me). After I had submitted my resume, interviewed and gotten the job I realized that one of those gentlemen was now my new boyfriend (who would eventually become my husband). None of that would have happened if Matt they hadn’t walked into the Red Cross on that day.

On the first week of my next job, Matt came to take me to lunch. He took one look at my new surroundings and said “I’ve been here before”. He had come to the air cargo terminal to pick up a package and had walked into the wrong office. He had been re-directed by my new co-worker, we are still friends to this day. I also went to High School with this new co-worker’s friend from back home. This wouldn’t be too much of a stretch except for the fact that they are both Icelanders. What are the odds that I would have a foreign exchange student in my Virginia High School that was a friend of someone I met 15 years later?



When Marty was in preschool I met a mother who had been displaced by Hurricane Katrina and was now living in her family home in Portsmouth while the repairs could be made to their New Orleans home. We became fast friends and after a lot of “old house” talk realized that her Bilisoly ancestors had built my house. You could chalk this up to the fact that Portsmouth is a small town and of course we know the same people. But, I would have never met Anne if a Hurricane hadn’t destroyed their city and forced them to move – they were only here full time one year.



The internet and all its social trappings have made the world a much smaller place and you become “friends” on a much more global level now. By in large I still think our lives touch many and we may never know we have affected them.



Why did I start this post? When Matt first bought this house in 1995 I did a lot of research on its previous owners. The internet was relatively new and there wasn’t as much information as there is today. I had the facts but I wanted details. I knew the names but I wanted family history. In 2008 I was cleaning out a closet under the 3rd floor stairs and found a little name scratched on the inside of the door. I also found a little half wall which had been built to keep things from going all the way to the back under the bottom stairs. I got a flashlight and a mirror and after much squeezing and stretching I pulled out a mailing tube from 1913. It was addressed to Hermann Aspegren who was the father of the little girl who had left her mark upon my house. All of the sudden I had what I was looking for… history. My discovery led me around the world; first the internet directed me to a passenger list of the Aspegren family through Ellis Island; then to a Swedish genealogy site (which was translated by my air cargo friend’s Icelandic father) and finally it landed me in California. I had found my link, Karin Eckelmeyer. Thank goodness they have such a great name, can you imagine me searching for Karen Smith? I’m sure Mrs. Eckelmeyer thought that was a very odd message I left for her that day; “Hello my name is Kathy Eykamp and I think I live in your Mother’s childhood home”. She called me back and I was elated! Finally I had received what I was looking for all along, my family.



Mrs. Eckelmeyer and her brother have been a wealth of family history for me. She sent me pictures of the Aspegren family around the house. I love that I have a picture of her Grandparents and their children on the same porch that we have enjoyed for so many years. I can hear the 5 Aspegren girls playing just as I hear my own children. I can imagine what their lives were like 100 years ago as they forged a new life in America.



I received an email on Monday from Mrs. Eckelmeyer that her Mother, Karin had passed away in June a week after her 100th birthday. You can read her obituary here:

http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/mercurynews/obituary.aspx?n=karin-eckelmeyer&pid=144600579

Did fate have a plan for me that day in 2008 when I was cleaning? I would like to think so. I would also like to think that in 1995 when Matt asked me to go look at a house he wanted to buy, fate was lurking in the shadows just waiting for me.



Houses do have their fate and we were lucky enough to be chosen by this one.

Don't blog while mad...

It's probably not the wisest of ideas, in fact I'm sure it's breaking some "Internet" rule (anyone seen The Social Network?). Sometimes when your mad at your spouse they tell you they're sorry and then what? The anger just doesn't go away. So what to do with it? Saying your sorry is a good thing and something I have asked my husband on more than one occasion to do; "Just say you screwed up and you're sorry!". Okay, well he's done that but how do I move onto the next phase? How do you move from a screwed up face and a tight neck to "is dinner ready?". I guess it's like anything... time. Just give it time and it's like it never happened.

One of the biggest things I have had to learn in my marriage is how to properly fight. It's probably something we all need to learn - don't hit below the belt, we want a clean fight. But I probably struggle with it more than some. My parents never fought; never even argued and if there was a disagreement it was done in private after we went to bed. The reason for this is not that my parents were always on the same page but that my parents were born in the 30s. My Mother always agreed with my Father and when she didn't he knew it was important enough to back down and let her have her way. She is a saint. I am NOTHING like her, in fact I'm a lot like my Father. It took me a long time to realize that my way was not the only way. Matt and I grew up in two very different households and we have different life experiences so why would we think alike? We fundamentally share the same beliefs. I let him run the business and he lets me run the kids; but we both have input. I have no point of reference on how to fight "clean" so now what?

Taking 10 minutes to myself to type a small blog post and thinking about what I do next is a good start. I feel better now; no screwed up face, no tight neck.

I'll leave you with this poem, I chose it to be read at our wedding. It was written 125 years ago but still rings true today. I guess some things never change, which is probably what the last line eludes to.

Marriage Advice From 1886", by Jane Wells

"Never go to bed angry.
Let your love be stronger than your hate or anger.
Learn the wisdom of compromise, for it is easier to bend a little than to break.
Believe the best rather than the worst.
People have a way of living up or down to your opinion of them.
Remember that true friendship is the basis for any lasting relationship.
The person you choose to marry is deserving of the courtesies and kindness you bestow on your friends.
Please pass this on to your children and their children's children.
The more things change the more they are the same."

My son... the scientist

I try not to brag about my kids too much but anyone who know us knows that my 9 year old, Marty, is well let's just say "special".

When Marty was little he could memorize entire books, he started reading in preschool and when we had him tested in Kindergarten he was reading at a 6th grade level. For as long as I can remember when you asked him what he wanted to be when he grew up he would tell you "A Scientist". No cowboy or football player from my boy, nope he wants to be a scientist.

Saturday he decided he wanted to make a solar powered charger for his iPod. Okay. He told us we could get one at Radio Shack (yep, he had already checked it out for us... he's not only informative; he's considerate!). So $15 later, a few failed mis-steps and Voilà! We have a "green" charger. I'm not sure how many sunny days it will take to repay my $15 but hey, it's not about that now is it?

He was so proud of that thing, unfortunately when he finished it was dark so we had to have 3 huge flashlights to test it (kinda defeats the purpose) but it worked. Monday came and it was cloudy so again he couldn't properly test it but today the sun shone bright and my little boy was ecstatic to find out that yes it will charge his iPod.

Sometimes it's hard for us to remember he's only a little boy. He doesn't talk like it; doesn't think like it. So when he acts like it, it's a little bit of a surprise. Tonight after my kids went to bed I came downstairs to find this... today's big experiment.

Super bouncy shoes.

I guess he is 9 after all...

Have a great week!

Kathy